A Guide on Teaching Empathy to Kids

Whether it’s seeing a friend get hurt, or watching a sad scene in a movie, observing other people’s misfortunes and struggles brings up a sense of distress within us too, like a mirror reaction. Does that mean that emotions are contagious? Why do we have that ability and how does that make us better persons? Understanding the concept of empathy could answer all these questions, and teaching empathy could help kids’ socio-emotional development. 

Of course, this is all based on the assumption that empathy can be taught. Well, according to Psychology Today, indeed it can. Research has shown that empathy is not inborn, but developed as we go through life. In fact, certain experiences, such as medical training, can diminish empathy, while psychological training can increase it. But, regardless of the profession, everyone can learn to be more empathic. 

The real question is “how can children learn to be more empathic?”, or better yet “how can we as parents and teachers promote empathy in children?” In this article, we’ll break down the concept of empathy so we can understand its development better. Then, we’ll share some specific guidelines and tips on how to teach empathy to kids. Let’s go.

What Is Empathy?

Is empathy an emotion, a skill, a cognitive ability, or something else? Empathy is definitely not an emotion, like love or anger, but it’s also not a fully cognitive skill, such as reading or writing. Today, the scientific community agrees that if we want to fully capture the phenomenon of empathy, we have to regard it as both, cognitive and socio-emotional skill. Defining it like this tells us two things.

First, it tells us that empathy is a skill. This means that it’s not something we either have or do not have, but rather something that we learn to develop. Since it’s a skill, it also indicates that it requires practice and an active part from our side to be empathic.

Second, it tells us that empathy is an integration of two systems, the cognitive and emotional systems. This is the reason why the most simple and mainstream definition of empathy reads “ability to understand and share the feelings of others.” To be able to understand the feelings of others, the child needs cognitive capacity. To be able to share the feelings of others, the child needs emotional maturity. 

Having said that, the beginnings of empathy can be observed as early as 12 months of age when children try to comfort someone in distress. We’ll talk more about this later in this article, under the “Empathy in Early Childhood Development” section. For now, let’s go back to defining empathy.

Empathy vs. Sympathy and Compassion

Another important aspect to understand about empathy is that it’s not the same as sympathy or compassion, even though it’s used interchangeably in everyday language. 

Sympathy is the perception and understanding of other people’s feelings. It’s the cognitive component of empathy, but without the emotional one. Someone can be sympathetic to one’s feelings without sharing their emotional state. For example, we can feel sympathy toward someone losing their pet because we understand that’s a painful experience without actually feeling sad or distressed ourselves. Empathy is one step beyond where we share their pain.

Compassion, on the other hand, is a result of sympathy. It’s a reaction or an attitude toward the person with whom we sympathize. And, just like with sympathy, it doesn’t require us to share the feelings of others in order to be compassionate. 

Following these distinctions, we can conclude that empathy is unique because it triggers an emotional state within us similar to the one we’re observing. The question that follows from this is “why and how does this contagion happen?”

To answer this question, we’ll have to briefly take a look at the brain at a neurobiological level and a specific cluster of cells famously known as “mirror neurons.”

Mirror Neurons

In the brain, neurons are a specific type of cell that receives sensory input from the external world or sends electrical signals to every other part of our body. They’re basically the make-up of everything we are as conscious beings. 

Mirror neurons are a special bundle of neurons within the brain that scientists discovered in the early 1990s. They are special because researchers observed they were active when the monkey was performing an activity as well as when they were observing the same activity. This was a fascinating discovery as neurons within the brain were very specialized, meaning that one neuron responds only to a very specific type of stimulation and nothing else.

You can already start to see how this can be related to empathy and why mirror neurons are considered the foundation due to which empathy is possible. 

To make things more clear, think of these cells as creating a sort of virtual reality within your brain. Things that are observed, such as sadness, activates the same cells that are responsible for making you sad. The mirror neurons “artificially” (without personal reason) create a feeling of sadness (what’s observed). 

To be fair, scientists disagree to which extent the mirror neurons are responsible for empathy and whether their role is exaggerated or downplayed. V.S. Ramachandran, a professor of neuroscience at the University of California, San Diego, says that around 20% of neurons with a certain role are mirror neurons. For instance, of all the neurons that process the affective quality of pain, 20% are mirror neurons and they’re allowing the person to experience the pain another person is feeling in order to empathize with them. 

This is the basis of empathy, which implies that we all have the capability of being empathic. But, then why are some people not empathic, or are less empathic? If we exclude specific disorders, we can argue that lack of empathy is related to a person’s emotional maturity. Clearly, we have to be able to understand and not repress our emotions in order to be able to recognize them in others. This has great implications for teaching empathy to kids, which we’ll discuss further in the article. 

Two Types of Empathy

Finally, the aspect we need to discuss to better understand how to teach empathy is the distinction between emotional and cognitive empathy.

We’ve said in the beginning that empathy involves both systems – emotional and cognitive. Based on this, researchers in the field of social psychology make a distinction between empathy as an emotional response and empathy as a cognitive response. 

According to Lesley University’s article on “The Psychology of Emotional and Cognitive Empathy,” emotional empathy consists of three parts: (i) feeling the same or similar emotion as the one observed, (ii) personal distress, and (iii) feeling sympathy toward the person. 

However, this doesn’t mean that in order for kids to feel emotional empathy they have to mirror the emotions of others. For instance, they certainly won’t feel physical pain if they see their classmate fall, but they might share the emotional state of the person who fell. 

On the other hand, another type of empathy is cognitive empathy. This is sometimes referred to as “empathic accuracy.” In other words, how accurately can the child infer about the thoughts and feelings that the classmate who fell has? For instance, you might find yourself in a situation where a highly empathetic child in the past behaves cold and rudely toward their classmate. One possible explanation might be that while they’re empathetic, they misunderstood the feelings of the other person. 

To make sure both aspects of empathy are present and in full capacity, it’s best to start teaching empathy from a very early age.

Empathy in Early Childhood Development

In the beginning, we’ve mentioned that elementary forms of empathic behaviors in children are noticeable after the first age of life when the child tries to comfort someone in distress. When this happens, it usually means that the child has developed a cognitive capacity to identify and distinguish between basic emotions, typically fear, joy, and sadness.

However, even though rudimentary forms of empathy emerge as early as 12 months old, altruistic and more advanced empathic behavior is expected when the child starts making more advanced social interactions.

This early emergence of empathy indicates that there are genetic factors in play, while the coincidence of empathy development with the child’s first social interactions indicates that the environment also plays a key role. It’s a dynamic interplay of genetic and environmental factors, both needed for the child to develop empathy. 

Knowing this is the case, the next question to ask is “How can we optimize the environment to promote empathy from such an early age?” 

Teaching Empathy: How to Raise an Empathic Child

Empathy is a central concept in psychology as it’s believed that children who are more empathic will cultivate more satisfying relationships, have larger social circles, and be more emotionally stable. Indeed, empathy is the crucial ingredient for successful interpersonal relationships in any aspect of life, and lack of empathy might be a symptom of anti personality disorder. 

So, what techniques or practices can promote empathy? Can you teach empathy as you would teach history or science? Yes and no!

Knowing everything we’ve discussed about empathy so far, we can say that theoretical knowledge about empathy is important, especially about empathic accuracy (cognitive empathy), but it won’t be complete without emotional experiences. 

For these reasons, we identified three techniques for teaching empathy – theory, action, and reflection. But, keep in mind that you need to implement a little bit of every aspect to truly make a difference for kids’ empathic skills. 

Teaching Empathy as a Theory

Teaching empathy as a theory involves explaining to kids the concept in ways in which they can better understand what they’re feeling and why. The final goal would be to help kids to construct their own theory of mind. Here are a few examples of how to achieve this: 

• Break down the definition of empathy.
• Give specific examples of empathy. 
• Encourage kids to write their own stories where they’ve behaved in an empathic way.
• Give reading assignments that involve emotional and relatable main characters, then discuss how the book made kids reflect about their own life.
• Give hypothetical examples of people in distress and encourage kids to think of ways they can help. 
• Ask kids to write a story about a time when they’ve been sad and let them share the story with a classmate in pairs. 

Other ways you can teach empathy include reading books on empathy and watching movies. 

Educational Books on Empathy:

• You, Me, and Empathy: Teaching children about empathy, feelings, kindness, compassion, tolerance, and recognizing bullying behaviors by Jayneen Sanders.
• UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World by Michele Borba.
• I Am Human: A Book of Empathy by Susan Verde.
• The Invisible Boy by Trudy Ludwig.
• Listening with My Heart: A Story of Kindness and Self‑Compassion by Gabi Garcia.
• Kindness Is My Superpower: A Children’s Book about Empathy, Kindness, and Compassion by Alicia Ortego. 
• Stand in My Shoes: Kids Learning About Empathy by Bob Sornson.

Movies for Teaching Empathy:

• Kindness Is Contagious (2014)
• Inside Out (2015)
• Wonder (2017)
• Kindness Matters (2018)
• The Intouchables (2011)

Don’t forget to analyze and reflect on the underlying message in the movies and books, which is a big aspect of teaching empathy. 

Teaching as Empathy in Action

The second aspect in teaching empathy focuses on experiences as learning tools. In other words, to teach kids empathy in action means to create opportunities where they can be empathic. For instance, you can encourage kids to organize charity events for different causes once a month, which you can choose together. 

Alternatively, you can organize volunteering opportunities for kids. They can and should help the local community as much as they can, whether it is cleaning, making food, playing, or tutoring other kids from disadvantaged backgrounds. This is the best way for kids to develop empathy as not only will they help others, but also spend time outside their comfort zone, also known as the learning zone, which is especially beneficial for emotional maturity.  

Teaching as Emotional Reflection

Finally, the aspect you should consider when teaching empathy is reflection. Whether it follows theoretical exercises or empathy in action (absolutely necessary), reflecting on their emotional state, their experience, and thoughts during the exercise or actions. Answering questions such as “What did you feel when you saw the movie/read the book/helped these kids?” is incredibly eye-opening and stimulating for everyone, not just kids. 

Here are some questions that you can use at the end of the class or after an empathic exercise: 

• How did you feel watching _____?
• How do you think they feel in this situation?
• What makes you think they feel this way?
• What would you say to someone who was feeling this way?
• Did anyone show you empathy? When? How?
• Have you experienced anything similar to the _____ you just saw? How did you feel?
• How would you want to be treated if you felt this way? 
• Did your behavior/attitude help the person feel better? 

Before You Go

Empathy is a very big topic and a central skill in children’s social and emotional development. Thanks to empathy, kids will be able to build loving and caring relationships with the people around them. They’ll also know how to understand others, which will minimize judgment and conflicts in the school, private life, and workplace later in life. 

We hope that our article was inclusive and clear enough for you to feel confident about teaching empathy to your kids or students. More importantly, we hope that you liked our tips for teaching empathy in theory, action, and reflection. 

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